cha_yem_ba's

2011-02-16T15:46:00.004+08:00

The feeling you got when you are sitting, and facing your laptop in Starbucks, blogging, its amazing. Its like a sudden inspiration that falls onto you, to blog one again.

I have lost the touch of blogging, the way i describe how I feel, it is no longer the same as how it used to be. And I seriously need to improve on that.

I miss how direct and honest I was to myself last time. It was much better then, when you just simply live through your life, treasuring every single thing you possessed, without critizing and trying to find fault in every single thing around you. - thats what happened to me during my hiatus.

I tried to blog, but it couldn't be my daily routine. It was always on and off. just like how I lived my life for the past 1 year or so. I am slowly getting tired of all of those uncertainties which was self-inflicted. The same goes to my boyfriend. I didn't treasure him, until the point when I was close to losing him did I realise that I actually cant live without him. That struck me real hard.

Pharmacology papers are finally over today. Open book test was amazingly alright, despite needing more time and rushing through the last few questions with few words answers. I was glad that I could refer most of the answers from the internet and I hope that what I had written was correct. Closed book test afterwards was disappointing getting only 14/20, while most of the classmates got at least 16 and beyond. Getting this kind of results always demoralize me, maybe due to the fact that I studied pretty hard for this. Why is it that I always get such result?!

Fuck it. On the lighter note, I am finally going to meet Nina after so long! We were supposed to meet last week for dance and also class outing, but she was down with bad bad flu, and she was not fit at all to step out of house, well IMAGINE.. the severity of her flu... (not that we dont know that youre down with flu 300+day per year). Oh, how I feel so evil now..

So, I am gonna continue to study my clinical chem while waiting for her to come.

2008-12-07T13:35:00.001+08:00

Fashion show MEN are seriously damn HAWT
and orgasmic....
they are just so beautfiul
and their smile
that are so charming yet agonizing

i was ~~melting~~...
one is enough
but there were 3 there.....
i was way beyond melted
is there even any word to describe that state?

how i hope there are such
beautiful men in singapore....

too bad there isnt any pic of them
to satisfy me now
damn my low batt handphone!!!
so i m convincing myself
that i have a photographic memory =)

alright, enough about HOT men!

this is exclusively for those who went to watch bolt last thusrday

IMAGINE ( just imagine)
erase that rhino away from your mind
~~imagine that js is in this ball~~
I think it'll fit just nice

we can go steal that ball from PS and try to put him inside =)
HAHAHA
ohno i feel so evil now.
sorry js, i am just joking alright..

anw dear got a new slipper today
at least its not those gay sandal
its some fake version of birks
from bata
ohwell! its nice though =)

YAY! tomorrow meeting
slay, el nino and grace for dance!
miss their rubbish to bits

2008-12-07T13:28:00.000+08:00

i want to work in starbucks

5dollars an hour

does it worth???

2008-12-06T13:24:00.001+08:00

MET LOVER TODAY!!!
omg she is so white now
like snow white.
okay bad comparison...
actually she looks the same except the skin colour and better fashion sense.
and omg, your SLANG
whats with your australian slang!
I prefer your singlish le! HAHA

but we didnt get to eat dinner tgt
coz she had to eat with her parents!
and she had eaten LA MIEN without me
omg that is like the food that detones our LOVE for each other =(

met dear afterwards
was supposed to eat at ~~Ashton~~
but after pshycoing him about how low class and quality Ashton is,
we decided to go other place for dinner!
HE TREATED me today! LOL
went around all the way from PS to City hall just to decide where to eat.
we are always like that,
when we are overbudget we wont be able to decide where
when we are underbudget we will also wont be able to decide where to eat.

i had to choose from :
NEWYORKNEWYORK
some steamboat buffet that cost $52 for 2
House of Sundanese $ 46 for 2
Kenny Rorgers $39.60 for 2

in the end we chose to eat at kenny rorgers and we got cheated!
after addition of drink and the ++ it accumulates to $47!
i felt so cheated =( and the food was quite alright
except it was not fulling enough
until he almost wanted to buy a bread after the meal.
and i even heard from him that the aunties cook all the meal there!!! wtf right
charge us so expensive!
and it makes us full more of the sidedish
but not the chicken of the ribs! LOL

for some reason, i feel so FULL now.
ah getting fat already and ADnD is in 3 more days!
must look slim! =(

btw saw bird today in PS :)

2008-12-06T13:23:00.000+08:00

wth
on the way to cityhall to meet farah and the rest,
i saw like 3 lambo and 1 ferrari and more than 6 convertibles

i was like OMG .singaporeans are rich people.
economic recession and people gging around driving BMW convertibles.
how do they manage to be so rich?

there is something to bitch about today
FARAH AND CASPAR!! LOL
i was like imagining 'what if' they get together.
the fellowship people will scream in madness
and i will SLAP her.

yes farah, i will slap you!
your thought of caspar being hot is enough to let you have ~~dreams~~ about him in the coming days weeks and months.
and alston saw you hugging him. beware farah. or should i say beware, caspar?

what do people think when they see this picture?

FSB band. though they are not that fabolous
but i was once part of them
that red blazer
that blends in with the surrounding

through band i get to know handy
through band i get to be good friends with jessica and claire
through band i get to be in love once with animated monkey
through band i get to feel the stare of a sundal bolong
through band i get to love music
throguh band i get to be part of SUP
through band i get to go home late
through band i get to know weird and mad people like me
through band i get to suffer under the baton of SSS

something is lacking
something that i used to do a lot
back in secondary school days
back in that place

i just realize how much i miss to be part of the band.
its not the instrument that i love to play
its just the sense of belonging
its just the music that we create

no matter how stress my day
everytime i step into the band
i felt relaxed, winded up, peaceful
and i miss that feeling

the feeling of wanting to go back
to the place that i love to be at
and the only way now
is to be part of SPSB

~~something that i will consider next year.~~

2008-12-06T13:17:00.000+08:00

the feeling is unbearable
there you are
a few seats away from me
yet it feels like miles away

just a smile from you
will brighten up my day
a glance form you
will fill my empty day

that crowded place that
we have been in so far
yet you are the only one
that have caught my attention

that gives me motivation
to live each and every day

with all the wonderful people around you
too busy to notice aside
someone who is struggling hard
against this unbearable feeling.....

Just a smile from you
will brighten up my day
a glance form you
will fill my empty day

2008-12-05T12:15:00.001+08:00

LOVER IS COMING BACK TONIGHT!!!!!!! =)

i wanted to fetch
but i couldn't
but she secretly hoped that, she could go back fast
so i shall meet her tomorrow the

2008-12-05T11:55:00.003+08:00

blogging seems to be my past time! ah wells.

MST IS OVER!!
woooots
but i don't feel much different leh.
to fall sick on the last day of MST is something that you will really not look forward to...

feel like zombie after paper yet went out with our class people to watch BOLTS!
and after the show i can even conclude that SHAW cinema sucks like shit.
normally when you sit on the seat, the person's head in front of you will block u right.,
but then when you go to shaw, its the SEAT in front that will block me...
if this happens to me, i wonder what will be the fate of those shorter than me. HEHE. ( you know who i m talking about )

the show was alright, kinda expected
with some tiny bits of funny stuff here and there.
some sentimental bits too =)
AND WE HAVE ONCE COME TO CONCLUSION, that

JIASHENG is the HAMSTER = RHINO!!
lol he is really like jiasheng! OMG in every aspect ( look, attitude, behaviour, blah blah )
LOLOL
wanted to laugh till i die man.

after that we were supposed to go to the arcade, but guessed i was too sick to go
then i went back home with Novell ( who was supoosed to go to work =.= ) and Michelle!
glad that she accompanied me home,
if not i might even fainted on the way =)
and we shared our thoughts.
her thoughts about...................
HAHAHHAHAHHA

slept once i read home.
baoren was supposed to come and visit me at 6 pm
bt then he was damn late. reached ard 7plus and its okay
coz i was still sleepingggggggg
shit sia.. if i wasnt sick ytd we were supposed to go for BUFFET lor.
damn!
sth wich i LOVE to do so much, yet i cant!!!
he went to buy some herbal tea from EU YAN SENG
omg so sweet of him!!
THANKSSSSSS dear. hahaha
even though i know how much it cost :p
hahahahhaha.

alright thats about how much i can do when i am sick.
and that really sucks.
doesnt feel like end of MST at all.
bleh.

looking forward to tmr! please letme recover by tmr!!!!
*DANCE at Nina's old house ( OMG I MISS THEM SO MUCH, esp my poo-ing buddy)
*FSB band concert at SCH ( heard they are damn good now. gotta prove it myself )

2008-11-05T00:43:00.003+08:00

something is lacking
something that i used to do a lot
back in secondary school days
back in that place

i just realize how much i miss to be part of the band.
its not the instrument that i love to play
its just the sense of belonging
its just the music that we create

no matter how stress my day
everytime i step into the band
i felt relaxed, winded up, peaceful
and i miss that feeling

the feeling of wanting to go back
to the place that i love to be at
and the only way now
is to be part of SPSB

something that i will consider next year.

2008-11-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

the feeling is unbearable
there you are
a few seats away from me
yet it feels like miles away

just a smile from you
will brighten up my day
a glance form you
will fill my empty day

that crowded place that
we have been in so far
yet you are the only one
that have caught my attention

that gives me motivation
to live each and every day

with all the wonderful people around you
too busy to notice aside
someone who is struggling hard
against this unbearable feeling.....

Just a smile from you
will brighten up my day
a glance form you
will fill my empty day

2008-11-01T02:10:00.001+08:00

"for I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a FUTURE." jeremiah 29:11

2008-11-01T01:41:00.003+08:00

i haven't encounter something so coincidental in my entire life till now..
nat msned me telling me that her friend is CLS assistant pub head.
and she has been in the same class with that person for 8 years!
and that person is bird.
and she is even in my class now
and what is more shocking is that,
she is supposed to be in CJ, but she gave up her place.
and she took BCME, so she would have been in the same class as me, if i were to stay there!
and she is my classmate! and my clubmate!

thus i can conclude that this world is very very small!
or i mean singapore!

okayy. i havent been updating my blog for 2 weeks alrready! well coz i find nothing paticular to blog about.. except some small things that is going on here and there!
this means that my 3 weeks of school is filled with nothingness!
it is not as bad as i expect though..
my classmates are getting better, more lifely and stuff
but i still feel that we are just classmates you know! ohwell!
this feeeling is improving eversince? and i think that is a good thing!

31st october!! HALOWEEN!
went to brewerkz just now with fellow comrades, celesty, nina, claire, biyang, potato and amos!
had 4 samplers beer and 1 tower (4000ml)of beer ( well i have forgotten the name ). and this is the first time that i drink so much beer. it tasted nice! and addictive! its not very strong compared to other beers that i have tasted like the octoberfest, carlsberg, tiger, etc.
the taste of the malt is just nice! so yeah i drank almost a litre of that today!
felt so gooD! so high!
it was one of the happiest i have ever felt in these few weeks.
there was nothing to worry about
nothing to think about
its just laughter and drinking and laughter and drinking...
i feeel that, that was the time that i could ever be myself
when i am with them....
my true self

my face was red after drinking one mug of it.
but i wasnt drunk and i never get drunk!
unlike amos, who was claming to the whole world that he was drunk! >< style="font-weight: bold;">the first bank of celesty hell lots of money, we decide to feed on turkish ice cream instead!

pictures are all in claire's camera!
coming on the way.........

2008-10-15T21:50:00.002+08:00

my heart is painful
my printer is painful too
why is that so?
because of the bloodily colorful and full of pictures notes and handout
that we have to PRINT ourselves!
and i have to waited hours for 1 page to be printed out.

let me see, i have wasted my 9pm to 11.04 pm just printing the first chapter of micro bio and cell bio. ohwell come to talk about it, till now i still don't know how to differentiate both of them! omg why must the name be so close to each other?
dumb and slow people like me will take years to be able to differentiate!
I think that its stupid to have 2 teachers for 1 module. that will only be confusing and dumb!

2008-10-14T00:08:00.002+08:00

without you by my side
that incomplete feeling
deep down inside me
that yearns for you.....

2008-10-13T23:51:00.003+08:00

i am fucking tired of these things
your continuous nag
your attitude sicken me
i rebelled i argued
coz i don' t think its my fault

why cant i fucking control my emotion.
why cant i just say yes to whatever she says.
why cant i just pretend that i m wrong and agrees with whatever she says.
why cant i just listen to her nag without rebelling
why cant i just plainly listen to her
why cant i just.....................

she is my mom. my f***king mum.
i need to stop this
the feeling of guilt cloud over me
but my personality stopped me from feeling that way
a personality that
will never allow me be nagged at if i feel that i am right.

i need to change that personality of mine
that attitude of mine
that just isn't right and respectful
that doesn't reflect a child of God.

"I pray Oh Lord that you will change me, change my personality, change my attitude towards my mom , towards other people. Let me portray a child of God, what he/she should be like. Let me be a righteous person that people will look up to. Let me change that bad habit of mine and let the holy spirit change me inside out. Thank you God for understanding me so well and love me as much as You love your Son, Amen"

2008-10-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

I had lost my ez-link card AGAIN

2008-10-12T22:27:00.003+08:00

at last i can see my country's flag again

i am freaking rich now! dont steal hor..

a picture of all of us together

complimentary seafood here ( not that marvelous eh )

SanFransisco bridge =)

at the habourfront waiting center to board our ferry

the start of cam-whoring session =)

me and tan seow ping cece!

on the speedboat! so windy! ( the effect is actually nice)

on the way to the ferry

the view of that marvelous sanfransisco bridge!

and that ends my whole journey in batam today even though i forgot to take pictures of the groceries that i bought from hypermart! i will upload my two pretty clothes that i ve gotten there soon =)

the list of things that i bought :
fish ball crackers
peanuts

11 packs fruit tea
kusuka casava chips
15 packs indomie
ceres chocolate rice
garlic flavourd kacang garuda
indomilk condense milk
kue lapis with prunes
A&W chicken

i think there are still some stuff that i ve forgotten to mention here. ohwell i dont really want to squeez my brain. i still have around 8 more hours before school officially starts tomorrow.

2008-10-12T21:49:00.002+08:00

my gift for him ( 10.10.2008) since 10.07.2008

2008-10-11T14:56:00.002+08:00

i stumbled upon this email. it is so familiar as i have heard this before. thought its a good thing to share this. so enjoy reading =)

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...'I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, 'What you got there, son?' 'Just some old birds,' came the reply.

'What are you gonna do with them?' I asked.

'Take 'em home and have fun with 'em,' he answered 'I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time' 'But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?'

'Oh, I got some cats,' said the little boy. 'They like birds. I'll take 'em to them.'

The pastor was silent for a moment. 'How much do you want for those birds, son?'

'Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!'

'How much?' the pastor asked again.

The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, '$10?'

The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.

The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.
Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.

One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. 'Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!'

'What are you going to do with them?' Jesus asked.

Satan replied, 'Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!'

'And what will you do when you get done with them?' Jesus asked. 'Oh, I'll kill 'em,' Satan glared proudly. 'How much do you want for them?' Jesus asked .

'Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!'

'How much?' He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, 'All your blood, tears and your life.'

Jesus said, 'Done!'

Then He paid the price.

The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit.

2008-10-11T00:03:00.006+08:00

a very fun video! of baoren eating tissue at carls junior as dessert to his main course? hahaha
if it is high rated i might consider posting it onto youtube! hahaha
and he took so long to chew that tissue
i wonder is it that hard afterall =p

2008-10-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

what is a friend?

a friend is someone
who is always by your side
cheering you up when your sad
supporting you when your down
scold you when your in wrong
be with you every moment
understand what are u thinking
care about your feelings
love you for who you are
spend his/her precious times with you

sometime everybody will yearn for that good friend that all of us want to have.
well there are a lot of friends around us.
but what make them your real friends?
are they those who will say HI to you and say BYE a few second after that?
well if that is so, then they are not your real friends.
to me, i really feel that no point knowing so many people when none of them is close to you
while none of them know who you really are
what is the point of that then?

and that is also what i feel about SP people now.
i do know alot of SP students whether they are from my class, clubs and so on. but i am not close with majority of them.
well classmates are suppose to be people you are close to as you spend most of the time with them.
but to me. they are just classmates. friends you see and make in school
but outside school, we never meet and go out, never spend time with one another as each and everyone of us is occupied with our own life outside..
well, i certainly hope that this situation will change for better next semester when i start school. but to what extend, i really have no clue.
it goes the same with the club people. they are just those you make friends and have fun in school, events and so on.

sometime it is really saddening to think about this.
you have been in that school for half a year and those are the only friendships that you 've made.
well, maybe to some people, friends are not important as they have more important thing to focus on such as studies, cca and so on.
but to me, friends are something that i will treasure alot.
coz i believe, that is what friends are for..

2008-10-09T23:01:00.003+08:00

yay! praise God that i am back from the ice camp! a 3day2night long of torture! haha
oh well, it was not really that torturing as there are still some part of it which is quite fun and memorable. however majority of it was not up to expectation!
there was this feedback form that asked us about how is the camp and was it proactive!
there was 5 choices.
excellent
good
fair
bad
something ( i have forgotten )

oh well, at first i wanted to choose good or excellent and just got over with it. well its just a piece of form right? and we were asked to write our name, our club, our school and admin number.
what if they read the feedback form and not happy with our feedback! they might just take revenge on me or CLS club ( i don't want that =( hahaha )
but after a moment of thought, and asking xavier what did he tick, i decide to tick fair! and that is the real feel i got from the camp!

okay stuufs that i dont like about the camp are :
-> the food sucks! well the first meal of the day, the food arrived 2 hours late and we have to starve and waited at the dining table for the food while the GP keep doing alot of stupid cheers that drain my last bit of energy away. well the breakfast was bihun and after i had a mouthful of them, all of us decide that it was not bihun afterall, but they are in fact rubber band ( even Amron the camp chief agrees with that )
first, it was tasteless even though that was bits of ham inside. even we cant taste the soy sauce! the texture of the bihun is so rubbery that we literally felt like eating rubber bands!
well the dinner on the 2nd day was quite nice, nasi briyani!

->the people there as in the campers. well i m not saying that all of them sucked, but to a large extent , they do. What is the point of going to camp if you were to always stick with your best friend or group of friend? and somemore it is ICE camp which has a theme, or motive : to interact and make friends with pp from other clubs. 88% of all of them will go back and stick with their own friends during break, bathing, toilet time and so on.. well i was quite sian too coz i was the only girl from CLS, besides those guys like eng chua, xav, chinhow, marcus, jiasheng.
well you cant ask me to go and bathe with them right? haha well i got make friends to this girl though, she is from my group and her name is ratna! =) but still, it defers the whole PURPOSE of this ice camp!

->the waiting time! i really hate to wait for the games to be set up, for the food to arrive and so on! there were just simply too much of waiting time in between all the activities!
for eg when we reach to the station, instead of letting us play the games, we have to wait for them to do finish their set up which is also quite a waste of time! its like everytime when you have gone HIGH after some games, you just sit down there and wait for 10 or 15 mins when you reach the next station and by that time, you have gone to LOW again! omg! they shouldnt let us stop in between games to maintain our high spirit! well that is just how i feel so to those who organize this camp, do not take this so seriously yeah! cheers!

well, apart from those few points, i dont really hate this camp so much as xavier does. hahaha! lol he was literally low from the start of the camp till the end ( end up lowerrr when the camp ends )
we were complaining all along about the camp and stuff! haha it was kind of fun to gossip too!
well there will be just a few of those irritating people that has been put into your group thus you cant avoid those stuffs. ( just take it that you are not in that good luck ) haha.
as for me, my group was alright. at first we were abit LOW and abit quite and not very enthu, but towards the second day, the bond start to build up and we were quite enthu, even if its not as enthu and bonded as my fo camp grp tingtong, well the pp inside was quite fun and xav is inside my grp! hehe we even won the final for the yo mama jokes session but lost to the GP group! haha they were really good at it and our winnings are purely base on luck i guess! ahhah

some yo mama jokes that i created!
* yo mama so stupid that after she watched harry potter she went looking for platform 9 and 3/4 in the MRT

night walk was one of the most fun activity! they are quite goood at the nightwalk tho! the ghost were more real and some of them can really sing ( as in SCREAMMMM ). there was one of the ghost that literally scream at my ear, and my eardrum was vibrating very very hard! haha like it was going to burst anytime soon! well. the make up was not bad and the placing of the ghost was good. they did not have too many ghost ( unlike the other camps that i'd gone for ) thus it was more spooky and scary! esp those corridors when we expect one or 2 ghost to pop up and there was not any!!

my partner was from the other group. well from his face he seemed to look man and those men that can protect women. however, a nightwalk speaks it all! hhaha well we did hold hands and his hand is like shaking or shivering! haha he kept asking me to be careful and be careful and i think he was too scared that he did not even talk to me much and i had to keep asking him question to continue the conversation! well it was not as scary as i expected thus i din scream. however my partner was abit taken back when the first ghost schocked us! hahaha!
anyway it was quite a funny nightwalk coz we were mocking one of the ghost about worrrying that her voice will break by tmr if she continue to scream everytime someone walk past! HAHA

i didnt know whats wrong with the comittee that they ordered 3 large piles of tshirt with size XL and very few size S And M. ohwell lucky i got my size which is M and i really pity those smaller size guys who got XL for their t-shirt! hahaha. well that is something that they have to accept. guys, dont think that your smaller size than who you are! hahaha that was what the asst camp chieve told us! hahah

and that rounds up the whole bitching about ICE camp. not bitching, but experience in this ice camp that i thought will be damn freaking fun ( as what chinhow has said ). well he has regretted what he said =p

ps leechinhow has a very very sexy butt! omgggggg

2008-10-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

ice camp tomorrow~
Ionic
Chain
Evolution
camp

i am kinda lazy to go for the camp tmr to think that i have to wake up at 7+ and reach school by 9am. i always feel so depress if i have to wake up so damn early in the morning!
shagggg
now my bag is like super big, looks like its going to explode anytime soon! i even need to hand carry my shoes and shoe bag!

2008-10-06T15:33:00.007+08:00

Tick Tock

Playwright’s notes: This is a surrealist play; time is suspended in a dreamscape, only until the end of the play when there is a snap back to reality. There are 6 peer adults in their early 20s, tied to a chair with rope. Tied behind each rope is a time-bomb. To have the 6 actors onstage being tied to the chair, crew members are required

Summary: 6 people are held hostage. Just 12 seconds before the time-bomb explodes, there is a suspension of time.

6 characters:

Two

Four

Six

Eight

Ten

Twelve

(A suspension of time. The 6 chairs are in a staggered semicircle formation onstage, the centre 2 chairs being most forward, the 2 chairs at the ends being most backward. As there are spots on the characters that are speaking)

TWO:

It is an object that tells the time. It has three hands. An hour hand. A minute hand.

ALL:

A second hand. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

TWELVE:

It has twelve numbers.

TWO:

One. Two.

FOUR:

Three. Four.

SIX:

Five. Six.

EIGHT:

Seven. Eight.

TEN:

Nine. Ten.

TWELVE:

Eleven. Twelve.

FOUR:

It works on battery. It can stop working when the battery runs out.

SIX:

It has an alarm function. Preset, it can ring and wake you up.

EIGHT:

It can be mobile. Or it can be grounded in a place, never to be moved or provoked.

ALL:

Or never wanted to be moved or provoked. Because one might lose a life.

TEN:

Even so, it is merely a bystander of life. The mad rush, or the relaxing passing of time may seem to speed time up, or slow time down, or suspend time.

TWELVE:

But it always runs at its own stable pace.

TWO:

It is the very constant of passing time. It is an everyday necessity. Or is it a control for the events that come and go? Is it a measurement of age?

ALL:

It is a measurement of age. It gives a limit to a life.

SIX:

If the earth stopped moving, time still moves on. It still ticks on. But if it stopped ticking, will the earth keep moving?

TEN:

When a battery runs out, we can calculate its lifespan. Just like life, isn’t it? When we finally leave, everyone else knows how long we’ve lived, except us.

FOUR:

It can betray time. It can malfunction but time always goes on. It can speed up, slow down, or stop at its own accord. It can betray

ALL:

Us.

EIGHT:

We invented it. We invented something that will destroy us. Yet we have to depend on it. We have to depend on our enemy.

TWELVE:

We are being controlled by our enemy. It decides our coming and our going. We can’t go against it, we can’t turn it around.

ALL:

We cannot go back to the past or to the future. But if we didn’t invent it, we wouldn’t have lived without it.

(Simultaneously turning their backs to face the audience to see the time-bombs)

Yet, by inventing it, we don’t have much time to live on.

(A beat.)

(Now no longer directing at the audience, but at each other)

TWO: (addressing Four)

How did we get here?

FOUR: (addressing Six)

We were exploring the woods.

SIX: (addressing Eight)

At dead of night.

Eight: (addressing Ten)

Someone came and knocked us out.

Ten: (addressing Twelve)

And here we are, tied to these.

Twelve: (addressing Ten)

Why the hell did we do such a thing?

Ten: (addressing Eight)

We wouldn’t have to end up in such a state!

Eight: (addressing Six)

How do we get out of here?

Six: (addressing Four)

I still have so much to do…

Four: (addressing Two)

So much, so much I want to do.

Two:

But can’t.

(The 6 characters remove the rope. This forms an illusion that it is the 6 characters themselves that got them into this mess. A possible interpretive dance sequence about delusion and loss)

(They are flat on the ground)

Two:

We were in search of the Orb.

Four:

The Orb that suspends time as we wish.

Six:

Because time is never enough for us.

Eight:

Time passes too fast, yet too slowly.

Ten:

We wanted time to stop.

Twelve:

But now we know, time can never stop. It will always keep ticking on. The clock-

ALL:

Don’t say it-

(A moment of confusion. They run around stage, looking for salvation, but after this miming and movement sequence, they are subjected to reality, and return to tie themselves to the chairs)

(A snap back to reality)

ALL:

Too late.

ALL:

We were searching for a way to speed time up, to slow time down, to suspend time, but we realized time cannot be sped up, slowed down, or suspended. (This line is repeated again and again while there is layering from speaking characters)

(At the same time there is a synchronized tapping of feet)

TWELVE:

Twelve, eleven.

TEN:

Ten, nine.

EIGHT:

Eight, seven.

SIX:

Six, five.

FOUR:

Four, three.

TWO:

Two.

ALL:

One.

(The sound of an explosion with a blackout)

2008-10-06T02:05:00.003+08:00

a ray of hope that shines trough that glass
that beautiful intoxicated face
glowing bright under the hot sun
once again melt my hardened heart

an invisible barrier holding us back
from loving each other
yet the craving for the lust
to satisfy our desire

different worlds have merged into one
exists deep into the core of our brains
deep down in our souls
yet aches in our hearts

the warmth of your breath
the thirst for your care
the lust for your love
captured in that ray of hope

2008-10-04T11:53:00.006+08:00

the crowd at the back of the grandstands (on the way to pee)

my so un-glam butt!

our not so fabulous dinner

partner of the day

wonderful coffee machine

the view from the NASSIM skysuit ( worth $7++k)

those are few pictures that i have taken during the f1 race
others will work around 6-8 or 10 hours that day, but since i am so SPECIAL and KIASU, i worked for 16 hours straight with only lunch and dinner break
come to think of it, i am a super woman on that day!
since i am being paid $7.50 an hour, i earned a total of $120 that day!
which is quite a good deal despite of the physical torture that you endure in that 16hrs
as people are supposed to pay at least $7k for that spot and a chair in the dining room
(even though they provide free flow of wine etc, high tea, dinner, and supper).

more pictures to come since my laptop doesnt have any bluetooth hardware
coz they aparently have forgotten to put it back when they repaired my motherboard..
i wonder how careless have the mankind evolved into 0___0

2008-10-04T02:27:00.003+08:00

sitting in the dark room
wondering where i am
wondering who i am
wondering what i am

You are not there anymore
You are not here anymore
You are not around anymore
You are not anywhere

deep down inside me
lost is the only word in my head
full of despicable thoughts
that is no longer pure

thirsty for your love
thirsty for your care
that is always here
without me noticing it

at last i am back
into the bright room in your presence
i am rejuvenated, refreshed
i am renewed and purified

2008-10-04T02:02:00.012+08:00

I have just successfully refurbish and rejuvenate my blog!
a blog that contain the floodings of my feeling and my emo-ness
a blog where i can pour all my feelings into, all my creativity
a blog where i can stare at it and admire
a blog where i can waste my time at!

cant imagine that this blog is so useful to me (its a waste time for others to read)
But i realize that this is the only place that i can rely on when i am EMO besides God.
oh well, to some people they should have known how serious is EMO-ness,
the side effect that it cause and also the rate of spreading and curing of this
UNIQUELY disease!
So, to those who cant stand reading emo posts that is really very very emo
(not to the extend that your tear will roll down from your eyes),
lame emo, and all those type of emo-ness, this blog is not for you!

so that is EMO?
the word emo comes form the word emotion and according to wikipedia it means:

An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety
of feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. It is a prime determinant of the sense of
subjective well-being and appears to play a central role in many human activities.
As a result of this generality, the subject has been explored in many, if not all of the
human sciences and art forms.
There is much controversy concerning how emotions are defined and classified.

Thus being emo is good and healthy to a certain extent =)

2008-07-21T23:43:00.003+08:00

First of May says:
The Spirit tells me that you are ready
First of May says:
to go back to serve the Lord
First of May says:
Do not resist anymore
First of May says:
all the things that crop up before u come to service are all the devil's ploys to keep you from going back
First of May says:
as long as you are determined enough
First of May says:
pray
First of May says:
God will bring you back to him
First of May says:
And you would come
First of May says:
don't resist God anymore
First of May says:
come

God is talking to me through him
I need to get back to track
get back to the life
to the life that once i used to live
a life with God

a life full of tranquility and prosperity
a journey of life with God
a life full of joy and happiness
a life that can never be bought by money
a life that is meaningful
a life with God

2008-07-10T00:11:00.003+08:00

i have had enough
all these while
the glory that you proclaim
the faim that you 've gain

nothing can be done
to change the state
yet still so ignorant
to the world arround

fail to realise
the one who is suffering
in the corner
wondering what todo

like a sheep
who has lost his shepherd
yet dont want to be found

I used to assume that when u love someone, you will be happy when the person is happy. it is just natural to feel that because when u love someone, you want the best for that person.
no matter how deep u love that person, there will still be a limitation.
A limit whereby u cant take it anymore
A limit whereby u cant go any futher
A limit whereby u realise u have fail to love him/her
A limit whereby u realise ur true feeling
A limit whereby u no longer selfless
A limit whereby u feel that u have been very dumb

this is life. LIFE

2008-06-25T23:49:00.004+08:00

I AM REALLY LOOKING FOWARD to PROM this august.
i am going to become a brand new me!
1. specs no more!
2. slimmer!
3. toner!
4. curl hair! ( i guess it shldnt be permanent! my hair not long enough! damn )
5. newer clothes ( gona go shopping with fellow yellow bricks after MSTs)

i just heard from abi that our semestral exam is going to be on the 2nd week of august, which is my prom night! ohno! i couldnt go to saloon and spent hours doing my hair anymore! but who cares, it is still more important than that stupid exam! i felt so bad for biyang cause he has like to rush home and change cause he ends schl like super late that day?
i should feel sad for myself too.
EXAM? PROM?
oh no. its a rather difficult choice...

ANW i am supposed to be sick today, but i m so much better now.
went to orchard with tyty today! we are supposed to study, but in the end we DID study even tho we went to shop!
i fell in live with a pair of GUESS jeans! it was below 100 man! i was so going to buy it then the saleswoman told me that they dont have my size.! damn! i guess i was too fat then! i only need 1 size bigger.. =(
thus come my new motivation to slim down!
SLIM DOWN BEFORE GSS ENDS so that i can buy that pair of jeans! Im lovin it!
went to LV after that to look for stuff for her mom! her moms bday is coming!and she is dman fking rich to get her LV's bag which cost 1600! ouch! i will feel the pain of sacrificing so much of ur own money just to get birthday present for my mum ( as if she ever give me such ex stuff )
and now i fell so evil to her!

felt so healthy though, cause i ate SALAD for dinner! it has been a long time since i ate salads.
kope tyty's long bean and carrot (coz i wasnt full with my tiny winy salad ) HAHA
nevertheless is still veges =)
Kinokuniya is the best place to rot if you have loads of time like today!
instead of reading AnP book, i went to read dolly and seventeen! lol.
i was so disappointed to find that girlfriend isnt in the store yet and have been waiting for quite some time already! that is the best teenage magazine! with all the nice stuff to read and very motivational too for me.

The pretender

it was torturing
in case you didnt know
i was pretending
in case you didnt know

i have given up hope
i have stop imagining
that things will become better
that live would become happier

here and there
you are the same
maybe i was thinking too much
yet i dont know if i do

or are you pretending too
a pretender up there
a sufferer down here
or i am still thinking too much

it is so dumb of me
to even think that way
that there will be the slightest hope
whenever i haven't give up

its completely clear now
to me and to you
despite
we are the pretenders

2008-06-24T01:17:00.000+08:00

i don't wanna lose you
i don't wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side

i don't wanna hate you
i don't wanna take you
i don't wanna be the one to cry

that don't really matter
to anyone, anymore
but like a fool i keep losing my place
i keep seeing you up through that door

there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
there's a reason why people don't stay where they are
sometimes love just ain't enough

i could never change you
i don't wanna blame you
you don't have to take the fall

yes i may have hurt
i did not deserve you
maybe i just want to have it all

it makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain
but like a fool who will never see the truth

i keep thinking something's gonna change
there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone

are there things that you wanted to say
do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where i used to lay

there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
there's a reason why people don't stay who they are
sometimes love just ain't enough...

2008-04-24T08:58:00.002+08:00

none but you

i just feel it again!
the fire burning inside me..
none but you
who kept it going....

i had that feeling
that you feel it too
but i dont dare to think much
as i have been disapointed b4...

we are from diff worlds
but we hve common thing
worlds are far apart
wad is the use of that common word?

i have motivation
togo to the place everyday
i know its indifferent to you
whether am i there or not.

its just a little hope inside me
that keep me going
all these while
none, but you......

2008-04-24T08:28:00.002+08:00

alot of people have been asking me to update my blog!
so i guess i m gona do it now!
okays these few days or rather almost one week, i have been having ( yes its stil going on) a very bad health days! lol at 1st my throat wasnt feeling nice, then nose started getting irritating and in the end, COUGH.. last but not least , my precious VOICE! bloody hell! ahhh
i hate it when i lose my voice. its likeee losing ur virginity! ooops bad comparison. hahas
but seriously, it is damn freaking LOW now la...
then i didint meet alot of my frens during weekend coz of that stupid feverish feeling!
sorry ko ROY! i have been cancelling our movie for like zillions of times!
sorry LOUIS! my daddy suddenly come here and he need pass me sth mah! so i couldnt make it!
sorry my fellow THE YELLOW BRICKS, or fang2gang or wadever it is! i couldnt make it to wcp that sunday, was feeling damn sick inside of me lah. in the end wasted the whole of sunday doing nothing lor... ah watch DVD and sleeping the whole day =( i miss you guyss le. =(=(=(=(

okayys enough ranting!
CLS IS MY LIFE =) okayy that sounds really sacarstic! i was still wondering whether shld i join cls club! i know its gona be fun, BUT.....
1. i also want to join ISC club! alot of indos there =)
2. i love BAND! and have been in love with band eversince!
3. i want to learn VIOLA! coz it can build up ur left hand muscle!
4. i want to join SCUBA DIVING! coz its ubber fun! and want to upgrade my lisence..
5. i want to join DRAMA! coz my dream is tobecome an actress!
6. i want to join theCHINESE CULTURAL CLUB! coz i can sing down there! and its my dream too to bcome a singer =)
7. i want to join 1 sport! coz sport can make me fit! lol the CLS captain ball team is damn zai lar. there is no hope for me to join them =(

i m so screwed now! out of all the 8 ccas, i can only join max 2 lor. or maybe 3? but it will be damn stressed and tiring la! sumore i m opting for the MC for assistant PR for the CLS club and pp like TAN BAO REN is joining! so i guess i will only have a very slim chance to get into MCs lor. just pray hard then...

after the CLS recrutment drive thingy, stayed back to see the captainball teams played..
lucky i didnt join them or else i would have make a fool of myself during the game =(
all of them are ex netballers.. wad can ya expect??
when they played, some of us ran around the track coz we gt nth todo!
at first we did a few round of sprinting! okays it was totaly bulshit! coz evelyn was like shouting all the way! lol and mega too. then we jog around the track with evelyn mega and chirstian shoeless. gosh! i pity their feet.....
then me and mega went to practice throwing balls! okays it sounds lame, but really! i need to practice man! i jus found out that my hands dont have energy! lol. and it hit my specs!lol
its good =) i have chance to go optometry! our schl one! ( some of u all know what i mean ) hahahhahahahahhahhahahhahhahahahahahahhahahahhaahhaha

then -> we waited for them fr so long to eat dinner! had dinner at clementi and it was like 9+ when we started eating! mebaorenwenyasheralinjonathanchristian shared the 4 plates of dish and it cost ard 8 bux per person! it was cheap lar! considering u had kangkong, sweet sour pork,hotplate and omellete! lol aini was our entertainment in the table.. i was so quiet coz i didnt want to strain my voice! it was getting better, but i shouted too much in the aft! gosh!
i tried nt to laugh at the jokes as i sound disgusting. esp when sheralin just laughed out for no reason! okayy shit i m talking abt my voicce again! lol.

anw went home after that... in the bus with mega again... as per normal...
okay i shall stp till here 1st... coz i have just lost my inspiration to write suddenly..

do not judge others and you will not be judge matthew 7:1
i find this phrase reallly USEFLULL and maybe it will too to some people! God bless!

2008-04-02T22:40:00.003+08:00

showing this kind of attitude just isnt right for people like you who goes to church.
i am very straight here. i am not going to rant about bullshit stuff like some of the people.
but i cant stand it anymore....
it is just so childish of you to do this kind of thing...
creating a bad image of me with other people eh?
or is it just you who have something against me?
or maybe ur just arent satisfied?
brag? oh hell yeah. i can sing damn well are u satisfied now? are u jealous that u cant sing as good as me? obviously so right...
well. if you r not very good at ur english, let me tell u what brag really it is boasting....
ok let us see whether do i really like to brag.. u can ask all those who knows me and if they say yes, i guess i dont even know about myself after living on this earth for 17years. i ought to be ashame of myself then..

what did i do? wah went to grab a mic? but the mic is lying down on the floor. and you guys werent really singing yet. is there any rule that state 'grabbing a mic from the ground is a sin, and thou shlall be punished in hell?' no right? so whats wrong here?
isee isee. i like to boast that i can sing and want to show off infornt of people?
ok i think i got what you mean... well.. i dont
if i do. i will just go and solo infornt of you guys.. i was just mouthing the song as i couldnt even sing the bloody song. oops no vulgar lag here.
fine.... what about 'a' she did grab the mic too. why dont u also have something against her? why dont u say that she like to brag and boast and show off too?
some people just have a passion for singing. and that doesnt mean that we are good at it or we want to show it of..

ok i did say that i m good at singing. but cant u tell it was just a sacarstic remark? oh maybe ur too sacarstic and thus u wuldnt notice this kind of sacarsm anymore eh? if i am good at singing, i wouldnt even tell people i am good at it. i will just show it off right. action speaks louder than word, do u even know that? cant u take jokes?
i will only joke with people i regard as friend. do you think one will just go out to stranger and boast about how great they are? no right?
now i dont get it. the whole thing was meant to be a sacarstic thing. singing in fusion? if i really mean it, i will be in it now wouldnt i? but why am i still not there? coz i didint mean it..
and besides. whats wrong with wanting to sing in fusion? is that a sin? that is suppose to be a great thing right? serving god? is that anything wrong with wanting to serve god? so? wads the big deal here? shouldnt people congratulate me instead of mocking me from behind?

i still rmb there was once in school when i told my pastor that i would like to join the chapel band and guess wad did he say.
'oh vinolia! that is great! you can use music to serve god and grow in it. i really encourage you to do that'
see the difference now?
well there are alot of people who asked me whether am i interested in joining the music ministry, and guess what i told them.
'maybe now is not the right time, i am still quite new in the church and i dont even know whether i can commit or not.. '
if i really want to show off, i would have say yes to all of them and i would have been in the ministry by now.... ohwell.

my friend even told me to apologise to you guys. wth i dont even know my mistake and i am suppose to apologise? admit to the things that i didnt do? sorry.
i am not jesus. i cant be like him.. i m just a normal human being, whatmore a baby christian.
if that is so, i rather not have friend like u all. it is just not worth it right?
what will i get in return?maybe another mocking? and destruction of my image?
what do you think i am? do i even look like i care now
maybe god is trying to tell me something here eh?
thus i will just read in between the lines. =)

sorry for the ranting up there...
havent rant for quite sometime eh. hahahas.

2008-03-25T12:49:00.004+08:00

it has been 15daays since i last updated my blog. omgosh. i think i always started my post with this phrase right 'it has always been ......' okay. alot of things happen in between these two weeks. well i have forgotten most of them but the recent one is the reatreat at jb around 4 days ago. well i wasnt very keen to go for it at 1st since i d dont know alot of people there. it will be very weird right? hmm ohwell i guess God wanted me to go and there i was.! kathernine was suppose to come with me as wiell! bt she pangsehh! argh. owell i met yoce at novena square 1st to buy some foord as i was starving. bought sushi, breadtalk, MAMI!! and also the 711 cheese stick, or whatever it is called.

i dont really feel like writing down my whole 3 days experience there. but overall it was nice, but not as nice as i expected though. the amazing race was not boring but the games were too simple. they should have make more difficult one and there wasnt any nightwalk! urgh. such a waste. nightwalk is fun! i had it like 2 years ago when i was in sec3. erm during the OBS. OBS is the funnest camp out there! it was very tiring and such but it was well fun too! okayy back to the retreat... errr my group came in first for the game, amazingly yeah but so unexpected coz we were thinking that we were the slowest grp out there and we turned out to be the 1st!!! hahas
the bidadari game is something i will rmb for life! its some conned game for amateur like me. felt so cheated.. esp bonnie with her all serious voice that tell us not to open our ice and to ask for 'more' supposedly water. hell yeah it was actually some black sticky thing that we put on our face! i took so long to clean my entire face. it was so hard to remove till a point when i had to use my make up remover and a cotton bud to slowly rub off the black stuff on my eyes. well but i feel that my skin is smoother afer all. so i guess it is not that bad =p

God's prophercy's for me.. it is just so true, when ci cepty said it out. i was so schock but at the same time i felt relieved coz i feel that God understand what am i going through now and i am not alone to face this world out there. wah since when am i so holly talking about God. the prophercy thus said. i have a troubled past esp the relationship with my friend and i wan to start anew. well i dont think i have a trouble or bitter past, but i do think i have a problem with a friend..... it is that person i was talking about all the while... but i kinda forget about it already since i really want to start anew, start afresh. something that is not worth to think about, somehting that is not worth to kill my dandrites! ( as what Ms LIm had said)

2008-03-10T01:04:00.002+08:00

it has been quite some time since i updated my blog. well i feel that my english has deproved again due to the insufficient use of english. have been talking indonesian quite alot these days.
okayy this post is going to be a little bit long perhaps as i have gone through alot these few weeks and longed to pour it out here. my life my everything. its just not right now. i cant seem to see what is right for me. ermm how do i put it in words?

these few weeks i realised i have done nothing besides wasting my precious time unknowingly.
while everybody goes to school, i have been ponning school (JC) well i did go there for the 1st week and orientation and i decided to withrdaw from it as i have been accepted to SP biomedical sci..
i feel so iresponsible for not withdrawing from cj yet. but at the same time i am not ready to do so in case i change my mind about going to poly. it is so selfish of me todo so. butttttttttttttt...
i cant really say i wasted my time going to jc because over there i learnt new stuffs and made new friends.nice friends... but i ccant go on and grow with them anymore since i am not in that jc anymore. it really hurts me to let go of ur new found friend. when u think of getting close to them and be their good frens. ohwell. there is nothing i can do now unless i go back to jc since i havent officially withdraw from there yet. hmmm..
i just hope that we will not lose contact with one another even though i m farr away from them..

let me reflect what i have done for the past week.
sleeep at 3am everyday.
wake up at almost 1 pm the next day
go office for some training
go out with friend?

all these useless thing i have done over the past week. what did i get? ohwell training wont be wasted i guess as i learnt new skills like all the sales and customer service skills.. but i havent been on to any apointment yet.. ahh i how i wish i can close a deal and earn money now. well there isnt any free lunch in this world. u will get back what u have invest. for this time the time and effort that i spend training and learning from my supervisors i guess...

i have been telling myself that i want to start a new life after tomorow.i remember i have said that for the past 4 days almost every night before i sleep. but guess what it is still the same till noww. today i still woke up at 12 pm and i even ponned church becoz i felt asleep again after my friend called... went out to plan nina's bday with farah and celesty and samuel. went to the it fair... thats all............. and my sunday is gone............

there are alot of things i want todo in my life. alot of stufss i want to achieve in my life. but my actions simply doesnt support what my mind is thinking. i cant seem to change my bad habbit and it seems to go on and on..

oh God.. please give me some direction in my life.. please brighten up the pathway of my life.. i dont want to go on this way. please let me find a decent job and earn a decent income for now.. please dont let me regret being in poly later on and let me get into the scholarship prg just as my parent want me to. OH LORd there are just so many things going on in my mind now thanks for listening to me ranting without complaining..... sorry for not appreciating you before that... in jesus name, AMEN

about *** that has been bothering me quite alot too. something somewhere

i dont know why i feel this way
maybe i think too much
maybe its the fact that it is the way it is
maybe its my fault
maybe it is not my fault
maybe i m just too young to understand and be part of them

friendship isnt forever
it is just like wave, it can come and go at any point of time
it can flood u up
or it can just drain u up

the sacrifices that i made to my life
which i once thought was worth it
came back and haunt me
when i see the true colour of you

do you do this on purpose
do you really dont care the feelng
do you really want it to be this way
or it is just a pretender..

it is just so tired to go on like this
confrontation will make it worse
if you really want it to be this way
then let it be

sometime it hurts
sometime it will be jealousy
but in no time
it will be nothing to me anymore

i regretted making that choice
making that decision
for the sake of that period of time
when i m still blinded by you

now i m very clear
there is no point of turning back
life still goes on
while you have your fun
i will have mine

we are just from different world
co existing in the same world
eventually we will go back to where we belong
i belive...................................

dear Lord thank you for making me realise that all the things that had happen is indeed for my own good. even though its abit hard at first but i believe thing will change for the better as you have plan to prosper me not to harm me. there is definetly a very good reason behind these. you want me be a child of God and do the righteous thing in my life, amen

waahhhhh i cant believe i spent almost one hour writing this whole thing.
okayy i tell myself i MUST start afresh tmr. dont dwell on the past. let the bygone be bygone.
vinolia, ur a new person now! u have ur new life to begin.. the whole lot of fun,happy,sad moment waiting for you. face them strongly and you will sow the seed one day!believe in urself!
jiayou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-16T02:07:00.002+08:00

where should i really go now?
what am i going todo with my life?

poly?
JC?
come to think of it it is really scary that i am left with less than 1 week, to be exact 5 days to enjoy myself before suffering the JC life. Time flows and float away so fast. I just spent the last 1 whole month doing practically nothing, execpt going out, have fun, rotting, partying, splurging on unknown stuffs,running and doing all sorts of thing. EVERYTHING but studying and playing piano.
It is really scary to think that 1 month has actually pass and i didnt even achieve anything in that period of time.
I regretted for not practicing piano regularly and worse i havent even bought the piano exam skills book which i was supposed to buy 2 weeks ago and practiced at least 80percent of the syllabus. COme to think of it, I dissapointed my teacher so much.. I felt regretful, but what can i do now? practically NOTHING coz i am going to see her in merely 2 days time..

Now, come to the choice that i have to make between poly and jc.
90percent i would get into CJC if i would to wait for the JAE posting result to come out. With the l1r5 of 12 i should be able to get into CJC easily and i had even put 1st choice.
but now, i am being doubtful of whether should i or should i not go to jc and spend the rest of my 2 years there.

the reasons are:
-JC life is damn freaking stressful (more white hair by the end of 2years)
-the subs that we are going to study is not really relavant to what we are going to do in our life (since i want to take a forensic course next time)
-JC requires us to wear uniform to school and proper attire such as 70% white colour shoes, neatly pinned fringe (i would have to start pinning my hair which sucks like hell)
-studying in JC is very time consuming (not to include our CCAs)
-Need to wake up very early (even though cjc is just 1 stp away frm my house,i still dont like the idea of having to wake up like 6 in the morning everyday and go to school compared to those poly people who have a more flexible timetable which doesnt require one to wake up 6 in the morning)
-lesser cute guys? (can this even be considered as a reason?)

FATALITY TEEHEEE>...............

thus studying in poly will give us a more hands on project and research about our real life and so on... flexible schedule, lesser hectic life, earn money coz u can work...
HOWEVER....
-I am not sure on the course that i am going to take if i were to go poly, OKay, most probably i will be going to SP becoz the courses there are generaally better compared to other polys.
But i am nt sure whether BIOMED is the right course for me even though they offer histological techniques in which they will teach you about helping a forensic surger in cutting off the dead body and so on -->very useful to my carreer nxt time.
-What if i change my mind about what i want to do next time, maybe i am no longer interested in forensic? or lifesciences? will the 3 years of poly education be a waste?
yes it will definetly be (",)

Dear Lord, I would like to pray for guidance in choosing the course that i want to take, it can be JC or even POLY, I will choose whichever course that God has decide upon for i know that U have made this decision for a PURPOSE, which is to prosper me and not to harm me.. for my own future and my best interestss.. So GOd, please tell me what todo and guide me through this crisis.
Thank you for your abundant love Lord

In Jesus name i pray,

amen

2008-02-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

SO CLOSE

Your're in my arms
And all the world is so calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when i m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So i beat mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever i know
All that i wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing that this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could i face the faceless days
If i should lose you now?
We are so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believeing that this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far.......

2008-02-15T02:48:00.000+08:00

14th february..
it is supposed to be VAlentine's day today...
FARAH's bday is also today...
2nd last day i got to spend with my lover, Joanna.

the food at the carousel ROyal plazA was very very nice.the food ranges from cakes, to seafood, to oriental food to dessert and strawbery fondue.. it was only a 2 hour high tea buffet thou.
so the most important thing for a buffet restaurant is the Quality, not the Quantity.
ok now i would like to wish happy bday to farah
HAPPY BDAY TO U
HAPPY BDAY TO U
HAPPY BDAY TO FARAH
HAPPY BDAY TO U..........

since my bf is in indonesia, i cant spend my Vday with him already. sad sad. but what can i do?lol. anw spend the night rotting at border for 2 hours after farah and nina left about 9. we stayed till 11pm when a guy who had sat near us approached us and suddenly talked to us(actually i had been sensing that he kept looking at our direction.mmm maybe mine? lol)
the question he asked was :
what will ladies do if they are attracted to a man?
wad kind of weird question is he asking us during valentine day?

now i dont feel like writing anymore.. lol. so we will continue the discussion of the convo of that random man.
TEEHEEEE...............

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2008-02-12T02:29:00.001+08:00

blogging is the same as writing a diary but the later need the use of pen and paper which is not needed in blogging. for some reason, i always associate blogging with emoing.i guess i have gotten this idea from samuel aka samipotato aka muel aka my darling...
his blog is full of emo stuff starting from ranting about his love life, gay life, normal life, dreams and aspirations..
read it and prove it to urself =)
http://www.iamslay.blogspot.com

i would only blog when i feel emotional, sentimental, sad, lost, depressed.... the feeling that is inside me couldnt be written into words no matter how hard i try to pour out all my feelings into it.
it is just something inside me that doesnt allow me to pour out all my feeling and maybe i am the type of person who would prefer to keep certain stuff to herself.
something weird perhaps.
now i will tell myself to blog whenever i feel like i have nobody to talk to, whether is it happy or sad feeling that is piling up inside me..

coz i believe that there is God will always hear me out and be with me not only in times of crisis but also every single moment of my life here, amen...

2008-02-12T02:09:00.000+08:00

life changing dream

listen to me will ya
oh my dear friend
listen to me will ya not
oh my dear friendl

i stared at my own reflection
the once happy and cheerful me
is yet to be found deep beneath my soul
carved with thick layers of blood

i was left all alone
here in the dark corner of my room
who will even care about that
as they have forgotten about their fellow friend

i spend the night
being left alone
being forgotten
being left aside

who will care for me?
i will not give up
for i believe that
it is just a dream

a dream that is not real for once
a dream that will bring back my old cheerful self
a dream that will rejuvenate my life
a dream that will not leave me alone in the end

listen to me will ya
oh my dear friend
just listen.. will you not
to my life changing dream...

2008-02-12T01:50:00.000+08:00

that feeling is burning inside me now..
it was so sudden and i would never think this will happen..
the excitment, the only one which keeps me going on living here..
i dont know why did this even happen..

i really want to keep my hopes up high..
but i know i shouldnt expect much from that person..
but if should i give up now..
that thing that i ve been 'dreaming' of will never come..

despite of all these..
i still hope that we will get to know each other more..

we started to talk. "hi" i dont think that is even considered as talking. erm we said hi to each other around 1 week ago when we passed each other in the lift.
today we talked again. i asked her whether she wanted to use it and she actually let me used it 1st not knowing that i was about to Shit at that time. ohwell
luckily i didnt take very long to pass that motion.
okay.. so thats all our tiny convo for these 3 weeks of me staying here.

2008-02-03T19:24:00.000+08:00

to my soulmate..
i am dedicating this to this special soulmate...

thank you so much for ur presence,
now i understand the meaning of soulmate,
thanks for ur pieces of advice,
thanks for ur brotherly and sisterly love,
thanks for ur time,
thanks for ur help all these whille (willing or not willing),
thanks for ur accompaniment all these while,
thanks for making me ur good friend,

you make me feel safe
you make me feel happy
you make me feel hopeful
you make me the way i am
you make me realise what is a soulmate
though you might not realise it,
but u have become one good soulmate
and i hope we will stay as good friend as ever..

actually i found this cute card about soulmate and valentine. then i thought of giving it to u, shld i? haha

2008-02-01T05:18:00.000+08:00

what am i going todo in my life?
that is something i have to ponder..
many people said i get a good result.,12 pointer
yes compared to some other people out there... but when compared to my own friends, my own classmates, my own school friends, i am actually the bottom fews.
let me share what are my school standard this year :
3 pp who got 9 distictions
16 pp who got 8 distinctions
20 pp who got 7 distinctions
that is all i need to show.i dont even need to count those who gto 6 distinctions. and look at me, 3 distinctions. what is there to compare with the rest of my schoolmates?

jc students taking A level?
poly students getting a diploma degree?
forensic scientist?
business woman?
biomedical resercher?
musician?

okay. for now i like forensics. but there i dont have any chances of studying what i like.
simply because:
we have insufficient income to support my education in australia
there isnt any forensic courses here in singapore.
Although i would still like to put up my hopes for education in australia, but i know i need God's miracle for this to happen. i keep praying, believing that that day will come..

i love singing... do i have the talent? i have yet to find out.. sometimes i think i have, but on the other times i feel like i am just a sore loser who doesnt even have the skill to sing and yet still dare to dream that one day i will become a famous singer or actress.

i like to improvise music and play pop music, but i wasnt thought during my piano lessons.
if i want, i will have to pay an extra 320 to go for the special course in musicianship and my parents didnt allow me to go for the course.. i felt that my music life just stopped revolving the moment my mum said NO.

now i seem to have no idea what todo with my life besides going to jc and study those useless subjects for the next two years, but what todo..
i dont have any other choices, do i?
now money seems to be the roots of my problems.
will it shatter my dream?

to many people, i am a very happy and rich young lady who always get what she wants.
now if people were to read this post, will they still have the same mindset of me?

2008-01-31T17:00:00.000+08:00

I miss you so much.
your face
your laughter
your voice
your advice
your stupid jokes
your appearance

droplets of tears streamed down my cheek. staring at my watch as i typed the words on the keypad.
My brain is fulled of those memories of us together.. the time we spent together as a very good fren, siblings. those moments will never come back again..
why didnt i send him of, the thought of it haunted my brain..
i still havent give him his present and all the things that i owed him :
30bux for the kbox
photocopy card
cafe galilie drink
the picture of the toilet bowl at my previous house
neoprints that we took together
chocolate filled crackers

i should have be more decisive and never to let my sleepiness rule over me.
i cant stop thinking of him.. the thought of not seeing him again for a very long time, years, decades or even the rest of my life sadden me so much..
i regreted for sleeping for another few hours for the first time in my life and yet there is nothing i can do now....

handy, i just want you to know that :
you are the best god bro i have ever had in my life
the best friend (even though sometime u were childish and pissed me off)
the best adviser (tell me off when i was wrong)
and this is going to continue even though we are not going to see each other anymore...

and i thank God for this,
amen

the last moments with himm

2008-01-07T06:05:00.000+08:00

I dont understand
what is happening with me
the feeling tha bears inside burning with fire.
nevertheless left to fade away...

i have been wanting to say out
what my heart feels
but i know
that will put our relationship at stake...

so many years of friendship
so many years of you and me
it is just pure fantasy
coz it will ruin everything if i let go of it...

do you ever fell the same?
I keep telling myself you do
from all your actions
that made me carried away...

it is just so hard to believe
that i will feel that way
will it last for long?
or will it just last soon?

to know how you feel
is what my heart yearns
to be with you
is all i ever wanted...

2007-11-08T16:33:00.000+08:00

why is life so fucking unfair.
all my dreams are shattered,wad can i do? nothing right
bleah. forget it.
life wont change anyway.....................................................

2007-09-15T01:16:00.000+08:00

meeting the sultan for dinner today. i shall not talk what happen before that coz it isnt really a very nice experiences tho as if my life is brighten up by the sultan
ohwell the sultan is actually mr firhad something bin rohani... went to his house to fetch the majesty to the dinner. so sweet of him to help us booked the table at the restaurant..
went to his house. these were a few things we see down there :

living room with handy being some retarded blocking my view

a quick scenario of the living room

overall its quite a nice house with simple yet nice design. give it 4/5. i have yet to see the bedrooms though.. and i really hope that my mom will allow me to stay there
ohya i have just met my brother yesterday. i realised i have another brother named max and i dont really want to revealed him to the whole world. basically for some few reasons below:
he has 4 legs
he has paws
he meowss
he is quite cute and adorable

we had dinner at garuda and i paid for it. coz it is supposed to be my birthday treat. it was around 67 dollars though and i find it quite cheap for the amount that we ate. we had
sambal udang petai, kangkung belacan, perkedel, ayam pop, sambal tempe teri, rendang sapi

it was such a nice meal and i have forgotten when was the last time i enjoy my meals so much. we also had free entertainment of mr firhad's jokes, complains and all sort of rubbish that can come ouf from him. i was so glad that he didnt PMS at all that day =D
at the end of the day we took a piicture. so wasted that handy wasnt inside. hmm he was to blamed anw hahas. coz he was talking on the phone... (oops dont be angry handy,, i was just joking)

2007-09-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

===
If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you wait for love and you're alone
If you call your friends nobody's home

You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I'll show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They are free

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad
Your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I'll make your day

When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you
I'll never hide

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad
Your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad
Your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do
===

i stayed over at claire house today supposeldly for my bday celebrations.
they were preparing some surprises for me, which is so called pot luck. ohwell everybidy suppose to bring one dish each.. and there was quite a lot of food., but sadly all finger foods. kids nowadays have no experience or whatsoever in cooking. so cant really expect much from them. ESPECIALLY those with maids, really take advantage of the situations. hmm i shall not reveal their identitiys. tho.. its very obvious who are those people!

venue: claire house
time: 1 pm but in the end starts at 3 pm. coz shengwei came LATE
people: claire jessica meifang christie grace jocelyn cheryl megan shengwei and SUPPOSEDLY handy
food: fries, sausages, egg sandwhich, potato salad, tuna pasta, seaweed chicken, chicken chunck, pizza, snacks, drinks!
do: games! movies! eat! sleepover!

i had a sleepover at claire's house, tho i was the only want to stayover. its a nice night with my darling, claire! and was so full for the whole day. i bet i put on a lot of weight! hahas.
claire has a lot of board games ranging from the drawing to hit miss to some wakeup queens 4d tic tac toe to rat-attack-cat games and police and thiefs.. i will not ever be bored at home if i were claire!
had the leftover for breakfasts cum lunch which was at ard 11 am then headed home for shower and prepared to go for my another bday celebration!

2007-09-09T02:26:00.000+08:00

they are really so cute together!
well i am very into them now. paticularly JULIAN CHEUNG.. as you know. he is my boyfriend!
CHARMAINE SHEH.. she is very capable yet she never show off and deep down very humble.

this is their wedding clip sponsored by mona lisa. ENJOY!

2007-09-09T01:43:00.000+08:00

here i am again!
being motiavated by samuel the slay potato's blog. its amazing and really shocking to read his posts. he is very emo! pretty much like me! hahas well. we cant expect much from our lives.

i found out that me and my darling (samuel the slay potat0) very similar:
1. i want be cardiologist.
he wants to be heart surgeon which is specialist in heart too
2. i love singing
he loves that too and he might take singing as his career
3. i am not given much chance on that aspect
he is also quite deprived of it

soo.. we are going for some vocal and dance course tmr!
my darling signed us up for it. its gona be him, me, ben and my darling's friend!
actually i hesitated and felt like backing out for last minute, but... i think its the CHANCE
maybe god is giving us chance to show our talent! and maybe make our dream comes tru.
yea right. thats just what you think vinolia. wake up. dont dream anymore!
but if really tmr is our chance, we decide to film a movie called "The Chance" and i am so gonna be the lead actress. haahs. big fat hope i guess. oh well.

i am not really in the mood to talk about studies and i think i really screwed my holiday up by not doing anything! i really just cant concentrate! i need some remedy to really cure me i guess.
ok fine.
i did like 3 chapters of bio and i left 7 chapters left. i did 1 paper of chemistry and i dont think i m going to score that well for that paper.
thats all for the whole day. dont you think its just too pathetic.

hmmm talking about life.me and my roomate catched up with each other alot today..
simply talking about frens familys and also guys. hmm human error! haha ohwell.
hmmm we really talked alot. shld i write everything down? hahas.

are you happy when you are with your friends? is that your true happiness or its just that you enjoy the 'fun' of it? this is the question i am pondering right now that she had given me..

ohwell i think i knew wad does my heart says. but.. sometimes we are all in denial.....

2007-09-07T12:43:00.000+08:00

if they were really together...

it has once again been a long time since i blog.
blogging its like an 'on' and 'off' stuff for me.
sometime i will feel like ranting my hearts out.
sometime i feel like there is no point in blogging. its just wasting precious times that i can use to study instead.
sometime i just cant express how am i feeling now and how i am going to write down here.
sometime, I JUST FEEL LIKE DOING IT! and here i am....

ohwell. this week has been quite fun yet disastrous. self distruction i can say. where i am in no mood to study during prelim period. mood swing then and now...
all i did was just having my fun and telling myself that there is always tmr to study, so i can just have fun for the time being. and it had continued for almost a week.
i am left with a few days to study and yet i am here. blogging....

i think i must also stop imagining stuff. its not good for me and my health. although sometime it can drift me away from this cruel reality, how i wish i m living in that world,where everything goes according to my plan and what i want, who i want to be with and everuthing its just so perfect.. woo. i know its impossible again, but who give a damn.. i can just imgaine it right., hahas.

as i typed all this, i cant stop thinking but to think that i am wasting time ranting all those stuff down here.. but i dont think i can talk to people about these sort of things. i rather not to. dont even know who can i trust... this world is just so different from outside world such as in australia. having been reading the magazine girlfriend. i am so motivated to go there. thinking that my life would change for the better..

I...
i dont even know why are we in this stage now,
i am sure none of us want this to happen,
i am sure you all din make the effort to,
i do. but what happen? i am even more disgusted.
i try to stop feeling that..
i cant help it. what can i do?
i try to confront...
i know it will not work out...
i keep quiet i hope for the best...
i am here. ranting however i feel.
i know you all din knw that.
i am glad coz..
i dont know what todo.
i tell myself i should salvage this friendship of ours.
i refuse to.
i want to.
i am confuse..
is it even worth it?
this friendship its just so superficial...

2007-08-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

2007-08-26T00:50:00.001+08:00

yay. 1 week of prelim had eventually passed. it seemed so fast and i am confident with mysef. or am i just comforting myself?
ss was hard. i knew i screwed up
history was ohkay. i hope for the best
english was nice! i am confident
e math not bad. no comment
a math so so. MUSnt do any careless mistakes
physics sorry ms ong. i gave up the day before you know.
bio prac i love kiwi and drawing KIWIS too=)

its going to be a tough week next week where i am having my piano exam the day before bio and amath. i gota pray hard that i have time to finish revising bio and a math by then to think i still need to practice piano like some mad cow..
today i hadnt been doing much. got really pissed of with myself for not doing anything.
wasted 2 hrs travelling from katong back home. damn why must she go back to indonesia...
supposed to complete my chem and bio. but in the end didnt do anything. and i have only one day left which is tmr.
will i use my time wisely tmr? i really hope i will.

i didnt know what happen to me. i have think to much. nono its not what you think it is... stop thinking that way.. you r just making yourself feel good =0 but who cares....
freaky. i must stop imagining stuff, oh no vinolia what had happen to you. come to think of it, its quite yucky and it really freak me up. ah. damn.
ah i got motivation to go for exam! and working hard too! but hope it will end soon... =/

it has been a long time since i blog. but i guess i will update more next time. i find it wasting time blogging nw. i shld have used the time to study, even though i know i will not. but stilll... need to make myself feel good right. ohwell anw i am really looking forward to my birthday. its in a few weeks time..... after the prelim.. whoots

2007-08-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

pissed pissed thats all i can describe how i am feeling now
from teacher to mother to studies to PIANO to friends to everything in this freaking life. hmmm
but i am glad that God has helped me not in every situations, but in some

yes, i didnt get my appreciation cert while almost everybody got it. my name was not inside the founders day booklet. i would have thought maybe i had gotten merit instead of appreciation, but the thought of that is freaking me out when i realised that i didnt get any cert at all
all for my 4 years of contribution in band. all the shit reason why i argue with my mum, BAND. why i spent so little time on studies, BAND. where i sacrifice my time with my family in indo, BAND. and what the shit did i get at the end of the day? nothing. the end.

a friend of mine whom didnt even go for his/her training, not in schoool team and alwaays pon most of the cca get the damn bloody aprrecitaion. it is not about getting your distinction or merit or pass, its about whether have your contributions to the band worth that certificate or not.
is there such word as fair in the dictionary?

lets get the real picture of what is happening.
either my form teacher is not happy with me
or she hates me
or she is biased towards me
or she wants to sabo me
or she do it for fun
or she really thing that i dont deserve even an appreciation.
well even i dont know the real stories behind it., but what ms ng told me is that i didnt get through the rounds and the most obvious reason is her. the one who even called overseas just to complain about my damn hair and my journal. if i am the one who didnt pass up the journal i would gladly let her call my mum but now we are talking about half of the populations in my class! its an establish fact.

yes i can even say i didnt bother sucking up to her. i will be as suck as her.

2007-07-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

its not over tonight
please give me one chance to make it right
i may not make it trough the night
i won't go home without you

this song rang over and over in my head
"everytime you couldnt solve a question or facing difficulties, sing this song in your head"

i cant stand it anymore. i feel like letting it out from me.
i know its not right for me to say this but i am still gona say it.
after 4 years going with you guys. i realised that i cant really clique with you all
when you all talking about those celebrities issues all i can do is just to laugh at the joke and be like a fool sitting down there. coz u know what
i dont really likes those kind of stuff. but i thought you all would realise it.
but well you all dont.
i just find it very superficial. and do you know what is superficial.
what can i do? can you tell me? if you still consider me as your good friend?

if you are a good friend to that somebody, will you get pissed with him/her?
this is the question that i have longed want to ask..
i cant stand this sort of attitude. even though its PMS, but cant you just control yourself and dont be like those bitches. 'oh sorry for my bitchy attitude'. i cant stand those fucking attitude anymore. sorry to say that again.
since when i show my pissed attitude to you all. why must i withstand it while you all dont even freaking care.
sometime can be damn good sometime can be damn irritating. wow so many personality. and i think i have had enough. thanks

i dont really want to rant anymore of thoses stuff here. it really kills my brain cell to think of these stuff again. i just hope that i get erased from my memories and i will feel much better definetly.

2007-07-21T01:00:00.000+08:00

you are the best thing in my life
the person that me laugh
the person that never makes me angry
you are the one that will make me feel happy and encourage to live on my life
through my sad and angry times

maybe you didnt feel that
sometime you make me jealous of you
for you have not only me
but tons of others who also care for you

but what can i do for you
you have smitten me
to the point that i cant bear to leave u
we have go through alot
all those memories
that hasnt been erased from memories

should i continue feeling this?
you dont know how much i love you
since the time we have met
the feeling just grow deeper and deeper
even though it is impossbile between us
i just dont have the courage to face it
and keep hoping
that it wil work out one day

that is nothing that you do that ever piss me off
the feeling of sharing you with other people ticks me off
but i cant have you all for myself
for i am not the most important person in your life

2007-06-29T22:12:00.000+08:00

Aims for this weekend:

complete emath textbook questions and graph
do english compre 2002 and 2003 and compo
revise Amath log graph and integration
finish Amath intergration homeworks
revise chemistry macromolecules
read up on bio microorganism
read up Gods words
closer to God

i know something for sure, if you want to achive all your aims, you have got to be discipline. Prelims will be in less than 2 months that means we have less than 60 days to prepare 8 subjects that we have been learning over a course of 2 years. do u think i can make it. well. i hope i do, but i cant even complete all my homeworks on time let alone revise for my prelim. sometime come to think about it, its really pathetic.

i should have blame myself for al this right. but now i cant. its my surrouding environment that doesnt support the way i learn. for example i live miles away from jurong library, the place where i like to study at.. there is no starbuks or some cafe nearby that i can mug n study there. my house is super duper hot that you will melt if you sit down and do your work.
but the biggest problem overall is no MOTIVATION.

today all of us received our prelim oral exam result and it was so depressing to see that i onli got 25 out of 40 and 75% Of the people actually got 30 and above.. i was expecting myself to get no less than 28, but i guess the truth is harsh. some people like zijian, caleb chng and rophi can actually get 37 for it! i guess i must learn how to talk from them and talk more to them!
to discourage me even more, ms hia says that those who get 30 and below has a very bad standard in english and need to buck up alot if not i wont help much in my written paper (something which i m very bad in).. by looking at my result, i m wondering should i get myself a tuition teacher for english. but it will be weird having some tuition for english right.

BAND PERFORMANCE coming up soon =) i cant wait to perform for the last time and get this done. hahas as i much as i hated band, i stil love it. but IAN has been asking everybody to boycott band today and guess what, he went for it himself in the end, what a failure.. hahas.. and how come everybody is like complaining on how band sucks nowadays. well ya it does suck, but at least we get to play some new song. phew not ALvamar AGAIN...

i have been trying to wake up at 3 for these 4 days and none of these tries i could wake up. i will be waking up at 5.30 or 6 or even worse 6.15... this has resulted in me not being able to complete my homework on time coz i normaly cant do hw at night once i get inside my room and on my com. well. but i need to prepare for prelim...

i remember there is this verse in e bible that says that we must depends on God for He is superior or something like that. we must acknowledge that He is better than us and cant depend on our own strength... well i think this is the time for me to depend on God and ask him for His help.

2007-06-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

sometime i will keep telling myself not to give up
sometime i will motivate myself
sometime i will think of things from the bright side.
sometime i will just tell myself i have had enough
sometime i will blame it on myself
sometime i will blame others
sometime i will just wonder whether i can be like yanling.
sometime i will wonder can i be motivated as her.
sometime i will just lost hope
in myself, my parents, my friends, my teachers, everybody.
but i keep telling myself that u can dont care about others, but Jesus wil be there for you..
i believe. i want to believe more. even more...
but something is just seem to stop me from doing that.
for whatever reason.. i seemed to be driftin away from God.
i am spiritually dry now. i am thirsty for his care, his love and his advice.
i want to walk together with him in my journey of this life that He has given me, that He has plan for me.
please show me the way Lord...

2007-06-24T23:42:00.000+08:00

i dont know how to describe how i feel now.
the feeling of loneliness deep inside me. that cant be described with words.
the feeling of him, my father, my lovely father, whose face i cant see anymore tomorrow.
as he walked away from me.. carrying 2heavy bags with him towards the bustop miles away from my block. tears seemed to roll down my cheeks, but. i told myself not to...

STOP BEING SO SAD VINOLIA, you are going to see him soon! in less than a month. at last, I Hold back my tears.. went up to my house, still feeling empty inside...............

i have spent the entire today and yesterday with him, venturing all sorts of seller frm watch to ivory to the flea market in chinatown. yes, its only 2 days. but in this 2 days i learnt ALOt of valuable things in my life and him. things that not everyone can learn frm anybody.. the times that i spent with him seemed to pass so fast.

a few days ago, i was filled with joy to think that i will be able to see my dear father coming to singapore. but that happiness is all filled with sorrow now after the 2 days had passed. i am hoping that i was just dreaming and i wanted to go back to yesterday when i just met him before we start our 2 days journey together.

although i didnt show my true feeling to him, i m sure he can feel the pain inside my heart to be apart from him. the feelings in 2 days just grow so deep that tears just cant stop rolling down. the pain is slashing my heart into pieces.
but all i can do now is to thank god for giving me a wonderful 2 days with him and hope that he can come back to singapore on the 13th next month as planned.. in jesus name i prayed, AMEN.

2007-06-22T00:55:00.000+08:00

i decide to re write post for blog because i think that blogging is the best way to let go all your emotions and how are you feeling right now without scared of being sued and complained ( provided if we make our blog private) which i am planning to do now. and yeah its private so no one can view it unless you know the adress.
so far, only vinolia knows about it, and apparently, vinolia is me. so yah. well its kinda lame. cant blame me,i am feeling so down, so useless about myself for not being a good teamate, feeling so angry and myself and my friends 'or people that i call friends and overall so sad.

sometime i just dont understand what is going on in this world. it is just like a game... if you dont play HARD you will lose and thats it. THE END. well life is also about the same and when you lose in the end, you cant blame anyone but yourself. thats is when people start asking themselves, 'is it a fair game?' well i can say its not. the theory is as simple as this
"if you play hard, you get it. you win it"

well.what if one of your close friend say this to you :

'Vi tmr you just come in sch u ok. we have to think of whats best fr e grp. we ve rli been tru alot and u werent there to even watch. let alone help'

precisely. it is TRUE that i didnt help much in the first place because i am back in indonesia and i CANT help. you should see how slow is the internet connection there before accusing pp for being lazy and dont want to go online or blah blah just doesnt make sense right. 44 KBPS! what can you do with 44kbps?
but just past few days, i stayed back to make the chocolate even though i was feeling very sick. FOR WHAT? i feel bad becoz i didnt help much.
yesterday i tried to do the introduction part for the script and when i ask nina how to write for the conclusion, she say, nvm she will do. FOR WHAT? its suppose to be her PART anw. but i want to contribute. i FEEL bad.
today and tmr. we are suppose to present in our booth promoting our chocolate. i want to present FOR WHAT? i want to help the group. want to prove to them, want to contribute. but what did dey say to me?? well you can read yourself up there.

wads the stupid reason? i got caugh and cant present well and scared will bring the whole group down, and there is only 1 person per grp who is presenting. well when i asked keith who is presenting, and he said the whole grp! which is exactly 6 people! great... thats so cool 6=1 haha. did you fail your maths or somethihg?

well. even though i got caugh, during the trial i can even speak louder than megan who is fit and yeah. well nvm, since is for the best of our group, i will just take it.......
i will probably just look like a walking dummie in schl u whereby everybody else will wear blazer and court shoes.

now i feel much much better than just now. at least i can let go all my feeling of sadness and angriness. if i were to put it inside i think i will really explode sooner or later. sometime, i just dont want to care about all those litle stuff that u all think it wont affect me, bt infact it does really..... really.......
its all inside me.

2007-05-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

yay,. feel so organized after spending almost one hour planning my studies and homework for the holiday.
and i realised that in order to finish all my holiday hws like all the a math e math tys physics workbook tys, chemistry testpaper and so more, i need to do SOME every single day that includes sundays and all my holidays in indonesia.
so i had to keep reminding myself that prelim is 3 months away and i have got to do something to improve my grades.
lets see.. hmmm not more than 10 points? acjc...!!!!
1 for 2sciences and 2 maths. 2 for physics, 4 for english and 2 for both my higher mother tongue and humanities. its not that difficult to achieve right?

ohkayy actually nothing much to blog about today. had been at home the whole entire day doing amath and emath, and i didnt even do alot. its just my target today. have been spending the afternoon clearing my whole room. its so dusty.. and i found that i still kept this starhub mat that i had gotten for free during the hoobastank consert and i decided to use it as my table cloth. its kinda cool having a black and green tablecloth with big GREEN starbub logo in the middle.

sometime i wonder what is the use of having a maid while i have to clean my whole room including sweeping the floor. well that will be the case if u dont hire the maid yourself. it means, the maid is actually working for the owner, practically the people who hires her and pay her.. its so anal even to just think about it. but since i am actually quite an optimistic person, i wouldnt mind that and will always look at e brighter side. for example at least i dont have to wash and iron my own cloth unlike handy, i dont need to prepare breakfast and sometime clean my bead and wash my own toilet. haha.=) so its ok vinolia.. you will be more independent if you can do this kind of thing.! look at the positive sunlight ><

my almost 4 years old laptop has been hanging since these few days. it Will just hang and you cant even restart as in you mus press the power button for 10 sec before it actually shut down and i had been doing that for about 4 times just for today alone. geez... it sucks to have a 4 years old laptop and what can you do when your family is poor? stick to this computer lor. no money to buy new one what. haiz.it is so gonna die soon in the matter of days or not even that in the matter of hours or minutes. ha ha..lets just hope that i can finish posting this post up before it cocked up and forced to shut down again...

well. it has been getting boring here now, and before it dies, i better sign off now. haha

post a MATH madness

2007-05-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

the penguin didnt come to schl! or at least i didnt see penguin today.
as i expected. haha. praise God. hallelujah.
but i have done all the preparation. i had purposely buy new pair of socks, pins, and comb up all my fringes that it looked super neat and tidy and my new socks that kept going up after walking for a few steps. dont i look awful with my without my fringes?

well i feel weird and not confident. hahah tho alot of people says it actually look nice on me. fion complimented me, cikgu was shocked, bx,julia,joy was shocked to see me while nina farah celesty claire almost fainted. haha. was it that bad afterall?

today was quite a terrible day. i couldnt concentrate well in class i think because i have been sleeping very late these few days. but at least i listened in amath chem and phsy, but i didnt write down notes for amath. ah. need to copy from fellow nina again. she is used to letting me copy her notes. haha =)
today mdm toh was behaving very weird, i was being interrogated by her.. lol i know she is concern about my wellbeing. ah.

ok let me tell you the sequence.

1. vinolia. are you ohkay. what happen to you arh. how come your result like that/ other subs also didnt do well right..?
ans: hmm yea i am ok.. 'i shook my head' i dont know?

2. are you sure you are ohkay? you are doing fine?
ans: hmm yea i am doing fine, err ya ok?

3.no family problems? or are you feeling stress? cant cope with school works?
ans: no la. stress? abit? haha. can cope what. normal lho

4. ahh lazy is it? see lah never do works ah.. [[nina: see what i told ya. lazy!]]
ans: hmm no la.i got pay attention in claass what only sometime i will be a bit distracted.i got go to jurong library everyday to study ok.its nina who never follow me..

5. ah.. got boyfriend already is it.. nina feel bad what being lampost. {f**k}???? see now become so pretty. really got boyfriend ah. hayo.
ans: no lor. i m very hardworking one. see i pass up the graph alr 1st thing in the morning. {graph homework which i was suppose to pass up today}

omg.why would mdm toh ask me those sort of questions. did i look like i have alot of problems? and suffers from deppresion? yea. and i am really depressed now. feel that i have dissapointed mdm toh alot. and i actually dont even know what had happen to me. why did i do until so bad.. maybe i didnt practice hard enough? woah.
nina also gave me alot of pressure. but i believe the pressure is for good purpose. now i have to prove to her that i can get A1 for both my math. another reason why i should get my 1 for maths. besides.

1.wanting to get at most 10 points for prelim so that can go to ACJC
2.want to be able to excel to my potential as i believe i have potential in maths considering i always get 85%++ in sec1 and 2
3.dont want my money to go to waste as i had spend alot of money investing in good tuition teacher whom i believe will help me to excel in my maths.
4.want to have sense of achievement
5.do not want to dissapoint mdm toh, and every teacher who teaches me.
6.PROVE to nina and jessica. for jessica that i am better than her and will always be. for nina that i can get my A1!
7.for GOD

I was so happy that i am not in s2e, not because of the impression that others will give but its about self pride? hmm actually not about that too. at some point i wil want to go to s2e coz of the good learning system that will discipline ourselves to study and revise and complete our homework. but sometime i die die dont want to get in because i am worry about the impression other pp willl give when i go there.

and there is actually 3 people in our class who must go for s2e. hmm keith chingyang and junjer i think. ok.keith, dont be sad yea, i am sure that the teachers are trying to help you in your studies and pray that the s2e will actually help you improve in your result. for chingyang i think its a good decision to let him go to s2e. so that he can discipline himself. chingyang is actually smart! lol

anyway i cant wait till 29th of may! which is our service learning day! i have been too engrossed in my imagination of e service learning. haha. and plan to stay over at the airport the night before. sounds cool eh. haha.

anw. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOEL!!! =) you have grown one year older!

2007-05-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

officially 8 more hours before i end up in the penguin's office today.
so will i be awake and count every minute every second i have before i lie on my deathbed..
sometime i really wonder why did i end up in this state.

1.did i pon school too much?
2.did i really have that 'attitiude' problem => that's what the mask said.
3.or its just simply i didnt do well and thus she wants to encourage me?

well it cant be the third point. as what every body knows about the penguin. She is the unique one. haha. she will probably shout and scream at you hysterically when you enter her office or maybe she just point a gun at you and say 'you are dead.there is no point of return' or she can just ask you to sit down and talk to you in a nice and calm manner. who the heck doesnt want the third action whereby she ask you to sit down and talk nicely?

but i must see her straight after assembly. do you think it is the situation whereby she will waste your lesson time talking to you nicely in her office?
okok. i really have a wild imagination. i have never been in the principal office before. or yes i had ever been before but not ALONE. ALONE!!!! ahh.and i rather be in a group of people and got scolding tgt than having a private time with her although i should feel honoured because she wants to talk to me alone.. =(

preparation that should be done :
1 new fairfield socks which i bought today
2 new hair pins which i also bought today in bookshop
3 my old old addidas shoes that is super dirty and black that cant exactly see the pink colour unlike my converse
4 fully zipped uniform and tie.
5 knee length skirt
6 INNOCENT face

yea. i am going to look undeniably NICE tommorow and e penguin will get 'high' when she sees me such that she will ask me to return to my class...
yes and i am immagining stuff which i m not suppose to.
i am suppose to feel scared and worry of what may happen tomorrow.
but what am i feeling now? i m feeling HIGH and curious? bullshit. vinolia you need to face it man. tmr is YOUR day.. GOGO!! ><
ok people just pray for me ya, that she wouldnt do the 1st or 2nd action towards me such as shouting and screaming, pointing a gun at me and the most important thing is not to call my parents and guardians. i really dont want to burden my parents with these kind of lame stuff for having 'attitude problem' which is shown in my malay which i find it utterly not connected to why must i see the penguin thanx. in jesus name i pray, AMen..........
<===== i think this is whats going to happen to me tomorrow.. whish me luck

2007-05-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

i just cant think straight now.
i stared into blank spaces
spaces that contain nothing
but emptiness

thinking of what had happen to my life.
it is just simply too dramatic
worse than a soap opera
but
sometime it can be too plain and boring
as plain as a white paper

i can say no one would understand how i feel
not even my closefriends
or whom i called 'closefriends'
deep down inside my heart
i feel like crying it all out
it has been contained for so long
for i have to pour it all out before it explode one day

there is a limit in which a person can contain
if it exceed the limit, it will burst
burst into bits and pieces

i want to share my life
my sorrow and my happiness
with someone who truly understand me
is there even somebody out there
who is willing to do so

i cant do anything now
for it will not make any diffrences
life will still go on
and it will be the same
no matter what

the emptiness inside me.

2007-05-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

gee.. i finish designing the blogskin and all the links and music and tagboard at 4 am. the blogger page load damn slow. waited the whole morning! >< color="#ffff00">absorb like a sponge..

-=HFA=-™♥love makes life fly around the world without wings ♥™ says:

and just like a sponge... it doesn't absorb all the water... it release water too..

-=HFA=-™♥love makes life fly around the world without wings ♥™ says:

and only a certain amount of water is stored within the sponge.. -

=HFA=-™♥love makes life fly around the world without wings ♥™ says:

what i am trying to say is that... absorb everything.. at the same time filter it and throw it away..

-=HFA=-™♥love makes life fly around the world without wings ♥™ says:

filter the bad things... and keep those which will motivate you..

-=HFA=-™♥love makes life fly around the world without wings ♥™ says:

and whenever u wanna study... recall those which motivate you to study.

this piece of encouragement really made me realise that not all the words that the mask blurted out was true. that i should just listen to what is useful and filtrate out what is not. when nina asked about it to mdm toh and she didnt say anything.but its all seem to be exagerated.

mask: Vinolia failed malay because she wrote out of point
penguin: SHe had learn her lesson

mask: Farah failed geography
penguin: Oh dear.. what had happen to her? she used to be a very good and smart girl
notice what is the difference?

i had to bisect my whole wadrobe to find e perfect clothing for me. i think i really need to get some matching clothes lesson coz i think i have a very bad sense of fashion? thats what some of them told me like farah and nina? huh not as if theirs very good right ><>. at last i decided to choose this shirt. i love it and i just love it. haahs

JESUS vs ALIEN talk was great, it talked about how pop western culture had its influence over God's people and opps i forgot who is the speaker but i know he is an angmoh. and he is 44 years OLD. poor rahul lost his phone during the lunch at west coast macs. all of us recalled that e phone was in MRs billie car., but when we got inside. poof dissapear.!

e lunch at macs were great too. shushi, megan and rahul was there.. Its so sweet of Mrs Billie to buy us pastries from macs which i always find it very ex and not worth buying, but it TASTE great.. after that we went to this pyramid thing. its all made from rope and we are suppose to climb all the way to the top. shuszhe was like super FAST. she took less than 1 minute to climb all the way up. while i took hours and get stuck in the middle of it. didnt dare to go up or down. oh i think i need to go there more often and practice climbing it and conquering my fears of falling down and die ><>

there was a small book fair at faith methodist church where they sell variety of christian books. its all about struggles, believes, faiths and there is even one for homeosexuality. sounds cool eh. i bought myself a book. its about questions teens are asking about god. there is a quote at the back of the book. it goes like this:

"when you ask questions about life, it's because the answers you find affect your life for the rest of your life. Sometimes, your life may quite litreally depend on the answers. with questions like these, you want to be certain the answers are correct"
"this book contains a bunch of questions and answers. It has its limits-there are a lot of questions that dont get answered here. but here is the best reason to read this book- the answeres are true. they are true because they follow God's word and its the final authority"

the cover page was funky with two teens being potrayed in the cover page and lots of colours. it cost me 15.50 do you think its worth it. well i dont know untill i read e book and whether i find it useful or not. well lets hope it is, so i didnt waste my money. hahas.

went to my guardian's house to retrive all my letters that have been accumulated over months. basically there is no changest in the living condition in the novena zoo. but maybe there is slight improvement in the zookeeper and zoo food perhaps? haha met jeraldine afterwards for dinner at novena square.. and we went to mph and saw a section which says RELATIONSHIP. gosh and guess what we saw in the second row of the shelf. 10 great sex tactics. sex positions, book of karma sutra and with all the semi nude pics or perhaps nude.. i was like wha the hell... the book shop its like open to public which means anbody can come and buy and browse. what if innocent kids went pass that sections and see these stuffs.. haah. i dont mind getting one for myself though :p

i wonder what has singapore govenrnment been doing. they have srict rating for movies. movies with kissing scene more than 10 secs is considered a nc16 movie. with a vulgar word or coarse language are considered as nc16 or m18 or r21. then all the semi nude books displaying on the shelf of a bookshop made it a PG bookshop? why dont they rate it r21 so that all those above 21 will be able to go there and thus this wont polute young innocent children's mind? like me..?err

2007-05-19T09:12:00.001+08:00

well i am trying to improve my english by writing blog. do you think it will improve? haha
for the past few days i have been pressurised by everything that can come into your mind.
TEACHERS
RESULTS
SCHOOLS
HOLIDAYS
FRIENDS
everything under the sun basically

i have got atttitude problem. yes i do. but must this result in seeing my dear principal Ms Lim? is getting f9 for malay one of the reason? am i that bad that my name has appeared endless of times among the teachers during the meeting? do i not motivate myself to get good result? do i not put in effort in getting my expected grades? do i purposely want to get bloody 9 for my paper?

do you think i like the results that i receive now? do you think i dont bloody care abt them? do you think i dont want to be as good as them? do you think i spend money in all those tuitions for nothing? WELL.......... i do CARE for everything. but you think i dont, so I DONT.

2007-05-19T09:12:00.000+08:00

do you ever think of why your good friends arent the ones who you expect them to be? how can that be i mean. everybody is diffrent please. does different from others make any impact? no ? yes? when you one something to go according to your way but the opposite thing happens. and you blame your good friends. why in the first place you make them your goodfriends? its cause you do not have any other friend. NO! yes no other as good as them. YES! want to make more friends? YES. but how?

good friends means friends who always stand by you. they wont get pissed so easily. will be enthusiastically agree to everything that we suggest (of course not the impossible stuff). friends who always cheer you up and will not give you one word encouragement or simply say UPTOYOU or I DONT KNOW. friends who will be there when we need them to share our sorrow and joy together. Friends who always eager to know what have you been going trough in your life. we can simply says they are not artifiicial friends.

ahh.. does that make sense to me now? haha. yes it does. so can i demote them to not so good friend?
yes you can. but i do not have anymore good friends. what can i do?
find more friends.
Like HOW?
be more friendly. duh.
everyone KNOWS that. like DUH. but it simply doesnt work in this society, in this world.
What you expect me to do then?
mmm. be my good friend?
GO AND DIE (:
..
....
.......
...........
...............
.....................
............................

yes i am dead now. can you be my good friend now?

2007-05-18T23:07:00.000+08:00

there came in mr firhad into the bus 198 that had stopped at buona vista bustop.. with his dao look he smile wickedly at me and sat somewhere across me.his tote back actually look nice on him despite being curse by whoever that see him carrying tt gayish bag >< unbelievable! what a nice encounter in e bus eh.anw it has been a great morning to look at this BIO legendary teacher actually sitting accorss me in bus without acknowledging each other.!

my entire morning was filled with anxiety of what are the grades that i m going to get when Nina told me that mdm toh had actually asked them what happen to me. the way she described it to me is like.waoh i failed till so badly.... my heart skipped a bit and continued with irregular heartbeat. i was actually thinking that i was going to die. woah. i cant possibly fail emath right. i mean i hadnt get any B fr emath for exam since sec1 and i actually fail it in sec4.?! i know mdm toh was concerned about me.. i m glad.. but at the same time i feel that i have dissapointed her alot. I had promise to get my A1 for this midyear but i got b3 instead.
i actually wasted 16marks on my graph and 6 marks on my numberpattern.. kao right. one thing i am glad is that i didnt make as much careless mistake as last time which is quite a great improvement. but damn TRANSFORMATION? who the heck in the right mind would get 3/11 for transformation? ME! of course.and another graph i onli got 4.5.... haiz.
VINOLIA. u ARE DAMN WEAK IN GRAPH> GO AND DO A GRAPH QUESTION EVERYDAY FOR 3 MONTHS! do you think i will get my full marks for graph by then? haha i could have gotten my a2 if i din make dis paticular mistake on my mensuration which cost me 3.5 marks.! ah. damn...

anw my amath is more depressing. my aim is 69/80!! i knw 69 is a sexy no. that is why my aim is 69! hahaah.. but in the end i get almost half of what i expected! damn. damn and damn. mostly careless mistakes. who the heck will get wrong for inverse matrix? ME!!! ahh everything is me!.... i was utterly at lost when i recieve my paper. my tuition teacher expect me to get A la.. how am i going to telll him my marks now! ah...

well the one thing that i can be proud of is my ENGLISH! i passed! amazingly. e first time in this year that i passed my compo and well compre! and i get c5! i made an improvement. and i wish i can futher improve on it not deprove! reading books actually help! its amazing. i become more creative now. and i guess i just have to read MORE and MORE books to improve my english futher. well my nex target is not high but i am very contented with b4. so i will all give it to GOD.
another thing to be proud of is my combine humans. i actually get a2 for the first time in my life. ooo.. all thanx to history.. actually my ss did kinda bad with 16 marks. but my hist pulled me up! well hope that i can maintain that standard? then i will be safe for my humans >< amen..

all my other results are not worth to be commented and talked about. becoz all screwed up.who in the right mind get 9 for malay?ME! me again! me again! ahhh. i basically screwed up my entire midyear paper tho i kinda study quite hard compared to last year. but why did i still screw up? I DONT KNOW. well i need to know so that i can improve!
but i will asure myself to get all 1 for all sci and maths. with exeption of b4 for my eng a2 for malay and humans! will i get it? YES i will for the sake of acjc! yes acjc! no other than that!

i am kinda worry about farah too. how can she drop till like that getting around the same mark as me which is TERRIBLE la. hayo wad did you do farah? have you not study hard too? hmm well if that is so, lets chiong!!
jessica said that i used to be smarter than her last time n now she beat me like shit. well since u ask wat happen to me? i will jus say nothing happen. the REAL War haven is jus ABOUT to start. beware ><
the real war is in 3 months time and now is preparation time for me n you and everybody who is sec4 this year in this universe. am i right? yes i do. and i know its lame =)

2006-09-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

just like last year, had been terrorised by a series of dreams n now is happening again.
i m haunted after killing rophi whom i ve mistaken as my stepmom with panadol last year and also mr ho entering then bathroom n playing pokemon cards with julia and debbie and also sponge cake fight. which i find it totaly unreasonable yet funny.

for once,ive been totally freaked out by this dream. something that will portray me, as wad claire said. bt i totally dont believe coz i know who i am and no one knows better than me myself.
1 thing that i really scared of is. its my subconscious mind that is acting all of these... arhhhh HELP!~~let us fast foward to one of the scene
A : r u tgt with huaizher? as in ur are couple right.
me: yeah.
A : (Sad) then how about us....

its perfectly fine it A is a guy bt the biggest problem is that a is a GIRL. a damn bloody girl whom i m not even close to n yah.. privacy [i wont say who is she or wad class she is in].

fast backward to the 1st scene:
me and A was suppose in this tuition class and we were sitting at the back chAtiing. tts when she asked me dis question: r u tgt wif huaizher and how abt us..
i didnt knw wad happen to me n i ans:

me: infront of everybody me n hz are couple and nobody knws wads the behind. yah abt us loh..
A : ya i know.. but we are quite impossible la (sad)
me: (sad too) ya i iknw. but wad to do. we ve got the feeling though.
A : haiz.. (hold my hands) do u want to go out later?

then there goes the bell and its end of lesson. we packed up and went to this mcd which totally looked like the one in plaza sing (the open air one)

me: oh ya my mum just came to sing , i ve got to accompany her so i dont tink i can go out wif u today (Sad) but maybe i can spend afew hrs wif u b4 i go back
A : Ok then..

then we went to the bustop and boarded dis bus which is super full.. at last we reached our destination and A went down the bus, bt coz its too full n squeezy, i was stuck and the bus jus leave the bustop. i m STUCK inside!
yeah then the bus went down the road to the next bustop. n suddenly the bright sky above me became dark as if its s night time alr.. [not connected at all right]
i called A tell her tt i couldn't make it coz its very late alr..... n TTS IT! END!!!!

can anybody tell me wad does this suppose to mean..
for those who knows about this dream knows what i am writing. haha
=======================

2006-08-21T13:36:00.000+08:00

something jus cropped my mind. dont know what r the actions that i shld take.
lost in this world. the too complicated world for me.
musical was beyond expectations though. n luckly the penguin didnt talk long that day. praise oh mighty God.
the song tt they sing was nice. i wonder what song was that. sounded a bit familiar though.
mr ho just popped up behind me n hz when we were otw to vch and were going to be late. r u spying on us or smth mr Ho? haha anw hz wore smth unxpecting. boots! look so gay lah. n also this long sleeve stripe shirt. n a jacket! claimed he was given by his sis. bt still so kind of him to bring for me. hahaas
i m actually shocked that people as rich as the mask (frm burbery tudung,to prada to lv to gucci to rolex) would buy a 20 dollar cheapskate tix to the musical. quite surprising hor.
couldnt believe that id spent 12 bucks on e cab fare to raffles plce mrt. was fun aftwerwards. strolling ard e vch compound under e moonlight. just feel so peaceful inside out. haha. hz so bad din send me home n coz f tt JONATHAN CHUA the group had to make fun out of it. >< arhh btw jon chua u didnt want to tell me ur name right. haha. i know ur name at last. haha
reach home superlate. ohwell enough about today the musical.

how i wish i could watch it again on saturday.
went to nina's house to cyle and for the 1st time i cycle along the road. was feeling so scared i mean cycle on the pavement without any barrier at e side and all besides tt was the road full of cars. what if i had accident? =touchwood= but this thing is just very possible to happen right. i mean. i am not a pro. noob perhaps?

anw attend this CTI finale concert at DBS auditorium. so fully packed of those fan girls. amazingly. got alot of guys too. their song was nice despite the same chinese song and also same skit. mf jessica n grace went directly after musical n they practically missed almost half of the show! esp when kyle was like soloing the chinese song and the chinese lesson for thoes retards ang moh. they couldnt sat with us. its a pity cant share our joy with them. how i wish i could sit at first row so that he can kneel to me again. wahh.. its just a blind hope i supposed.
i got to take pic with kyle! and his email!! i supposed i ve beat you nina. wakaka.

2006-08-20T03:49:00.000+08:00

i dont design blogskin. i take. as much as other people do. feel accomplish for editing my templates and chunk information in this blog though its still under progress. so far so good. but before that i gotta have a short sleep today.. long live queen vinolia... i bet with all my life she will not be able to wake up before noon.